ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
