I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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