You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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