gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
