Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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