i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
