She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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