I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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