I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
