In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
