I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
