The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
