I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize