we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You pole danced in your parka.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
