The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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