You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
