this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We are two peas in an std pod
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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