My Higher Power is John Stamos
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
