My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
