Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
