Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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