Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
