The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize