Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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