I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize