did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize