i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
