marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I will be naked everywhere
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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