Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What drink are we having for lunch?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
