I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
