i'm signing you up for texting rehab
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
