glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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