you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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