grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
