i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
