He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize