I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize