loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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