I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
