Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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