Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
