and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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