I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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