K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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