You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize