Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
