I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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