How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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