Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
