just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
