My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
