I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
