is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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