The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm always down for nudity.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
