life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
