I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
