Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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