You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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