Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
