Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
