The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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