yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
