If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
When are your genitals available?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
