i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
