he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
