THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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