I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
