I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
