every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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