One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
