I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
