if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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