Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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